$50 federal minimum wage is as american as apple pie
HOLD ONTO YOUR CONSTITUTIONAL HATS because I’m about to drop a TRUTH BOMB that’ll shake the very foundations of our economic system! We’ve got CORPORATE PARASITES masquerading as job creators! These WELFARE QUEENS in Armani suits have their greedy mitts deep in the public coffers while their workers are left begging for scraps at the welfare office. It’s an ABOMINATION that would make our Founders VOMIT!
A $50 minimum wage is neither dreamy nor radical – it’s ECONOMIC JUSTICE! It’s the ANTIDOTE to this poisonous system where we socialize corporate losses and privatize their obscene profits! And don’t you DARE call it socialism. Paternalism dressed up like Mrs. Doubtfire is much closer to socialism.
Actually, these corporate welfare queens long ago accomplished the aims of communism by making the ability to acquire and hold property unavailable to most. Home ownership (which was never the end goal and always the most basic of basics) has become the American Pipe Dream under the tutelage of these poverty pimps. But there are not enough drugs in the world for these uppity ghouls to continue their lowballing and cretinous schemes much longer.
I’m about to tell you something fundamental about the ORIGINAL intent of our Constitution – it’s about economic liberty! The $50 minimum wage proposals are PATRIOTIC. Our Founders envisioned a nation where honest work produces genuine prosperity. Not this nickel-and-dime wage slavery we’ve permitted to fester like an infected wound on our body politic!
A $50 minimum wage is pure, unadulterated, red-blooded AMERICAN economic policy. We’re not redistributing wealth – we’re UNLEASHING human potential! The exploitation of undocumented workers? An ABOMINATION. The manipulation of guest worker programs? A MOCKERY of everything we stand for. The largest penal labor force on the planet? A DISGUSTING HORROR SHOW!
Let me break it down for the slow learners in the back: When a full-time worker needs food stamps to survive, that’s not a safety net – that’s CORPORATE WELFARE! We’re subsidizing the yacht collections of CEOs while their employees can’t afford to eat!
This isn’t capitalism, folks. It’s slavery and a GROTESQUE PERVERSION of free market principles! It’s as if we’ve taken Adam Smith’s invisible hand and used it to PICKPOCKET the American worker! And don’t even get me started on the exploitation of undocumented workers. It’s a CONSTITUTIONAL DISGRACE! We’re allowing a shadow economy of modern-day slavery to exist right under our noses!
For those more concerned about the math involved with paying workers enough to live and thrive on, the economic calculus supporting a $50 minimum wage is simple. When workers have more money, they BUY THINGS. They stimulate local economies. They become entrepreneurs. They are secure in their persons and property and in hot pursuit of the happiness our Founders intended!
The Founders didn’t risk their lives for this ECONOMIC TYRANNY! They envisioned a nation where honest work leads to prosperity, not a nation where corporations leech off the public teat while workers stress about the cost of rent and eggs! It’s time to DRAIN THE SWAMP of corporate freeloaders and restore DIGNITY to American labor! The Constitution demands it, justice requires it, and by God, we’re going to DELIVER IT!
