On the Need to Turn Out High School Lawyers

For too long, public schools have been peddling pablum while neglecting the true essentials of a citizen’s education. It’s high time we revolutionize our curriculum to arm our youth with the weapons of knowledge they’ll need to navigate the treacherous waters of our legal system.

Let us be clear: By the time a student dons that mortarboard, they should be as versed in the intricacies of constitutional law as any bar-certified attorney. Why, you ask? Because, my dear friends, we have constructed a labyrinthine legal system with the capacity to strip away liberties faster than a pickpocket at a crowded fair.

Consider this: The United States, that shining city on a hill, boasts the dubious distinction of having the largest penal labor system on the planet. We’ve managed to turn our prisons into veritable sweatshops, all under the guise of “rehabilitation.” It’s a system so voracious, it can swallow a citizen whole for infractions as minor as a misfiled tax form or an overzealous protest.

Our schools, those supposed bastions of enlightenment, have for too long served as pipelines, funneling our youth directly into this maw of incarceration. It’s time we dam this stream and redirect its flow. Instead of teaching children to blindly obey, let’s teach them to question, to challenge, to successfully defend their rights with the ferocity of a mother bear protecting her cubs or at least a belligerent adolescent gleefully rejecting the tyranny of every dinosaur over the age of thirty.

Imagine a high school graduate armed not just with knowledge of quadratic equations and the date of the Battle of Hastings, but with a comprehensive understanding of the Fourth Amendment, the intricacies of contract law, and the ability to file a habeas corpus petition. This is not mere academic exercise; it is survival training for the modern age. We must equip our students to defend themselves and others from a system that has been granted the legal authority to completely subjugate them for the most trivial of transgressions. A system that can turn a moment’s indiscretion into a lifetime of servitude.

Let us transform our schools from conveyor belts of conformity into forges of freedom, where every graduate emerges not just with a diploma, but with the knowledge and skills of a seasoned attorney. For in this great republic of ours, ignorance of the law is no excuse – and it is high time our education system reflected that harsh reality.