Some thoughts on medical tyranny

Let us confront the GRAND DELUSION that has befallen our medical establishment! Once bastions of reason, these white-coated charlatans have succumbed to a most pernicious affliction: believing their own balderdash. Gone are the days when a doctor could ponder life’s great mysteries over a fine cigar. No, now we are subjected to the tyranny of the nicotine-free, their minds more clouded than the air they so zealously purify.

And what of these self-proclaimed saviors, these GOOFY TYRANTS with their army of trashbag-wearing line dancers? They prance about, dictating how we should live, breathe, and sneeze, as if their medical degrees conferred upon them the wisdom of Solomon and the authority of Caesar. The Founding Fathers would weep to see such petty despots strutting upon the stage of public health!

But the true farce, the absolute PINNACLE of their folly, is this obsession with testing every living creature. Have they eradicated a single malady from this mortal coil? Nay! Yet they persist, like a dog returning to its vomit, in their quest to swab, poke, and prod the entire populace. One might be forgiven for suspecting these tests serve not to heal the sick, but to feed the insatiable maw of bureaucratic busybodies and pharmaceutical fat cats.

Perhaps it is time we turn the tables on these modern-day Hippocratic hypocrites. Let us subject THEM to the rigors of examination, for surely they exhibit all the symptoms of that most dreaded of conditions: ONE-TRICK PONY POX. The prognosis is grim, my friends. The only cure may be a strict quarantine – not of the populace, but of these medical mountebanks themselves.

Let us cast off the shackles of this medical madness and return to an era when doctors knew their place – preferably behind a haze of tobacco smoke, where their mumbo-jumbo could at least be mercifully muffled.